summer

I remember the summer where the two of us laid on our backs out in the sun.

I remember the laughter and bright smiles that made me forget about the wind on my skin.

I remember the recordings we took- running through town like a bunch of hoodlums.

I remember the summer.

I remember you.

And when I’m sad I remember the bright summer and find comfort in the warmth of your voice.

I must have looked like a wreck the day I texted you frantically asking if we could meet behind the old post office.

I wondered if you judged me back then but-

I know that you didn’t.

I wonder why I thought you would judge me. I wonder why I thought you would be embarrassed to be seen in that parking lot holding me while I sobbed into your shoulder.

I wonder why I ever thought that- thought that you would judge me when a month before you didn’t even bat an eye when I walked around town in a bright purple wig.

When you had been more confident than me- completely willing to be seen with a girl in a red wig running into a store to buy some water.

How I hadn’t been able to make eye contact with anyone that day but you had.

That day when I cried into your shoulder what were you thinking? What were you thinking all those times after that?

When I cried over the same person.

Over.

And over-

-And over.

That day in the parking lot when I forced on a smile and you frowned at me.

The day I lost a friend where you didn’t force me to try to smile.

Last month in that school bathroom where I screamed and cried about an issue that you were also struggling with.

How selfish I felt crying and releasing my burden onto you- someone who was dealing with much more.

And then-

And then remembering that day in the summer and the weeks that followed.

Every time you talked about the people making you upset and I wasn’t able to do anything for you other than get angry.

I know how you feel whenever I rant about certain people who have done nothing but abuse my feelings.

And that’s why I look up to you.

Where I call you crazy and misguided you’re there with a comforting look in the back of the post office parking lot.

And then my thoughts circle.

The parking lot.

Your warm embrace.

Crying.

Laughing.

Smiling.

The warmth of your laughter.

The sound of your voice- it all melts away.

Do you remember?

Do you remember the summer?

The summer where the two of us laid on our backs out in the sun.

Do you remember me?